Monday, July 4, 2016

4th of July is soooooo fun when you have 2 kids who didnt sleep the night before!

The morning of July 4th, both of my kids thought it would be appropriate to wake up 3x each last night.

3 F'N TIMES! THREE. EACH!

I was so tired that i fell asleep on the couch at 730AM for 2 hours after drinking one full cup of coffee! All the while my children were screaming like angry drunk banshees. My wife thought I was faking it.

So at 930 I awake to "WASH YOUR HANDS"! I jump out of my sleep and see my daughter screaming out of fear from the evil foam soap.

WHY ARE YOU SCARED OF METHOD SOAP????  I asked.

"Because it will get me" she replies.

I laid back down and pretended to be asleep before my wife saw or heard me. Just kidding.

2 Tantrums later.

My wife looked into my eyes in a way that I can only assume is how a Navy Seal looks at his fellow Seal when they are about to ambush some Extremists.  "Oh, they are taking a nap".


We  have lunch that both of my children agreed upon but refused to eat once it was FULLY MADE. Because you know "F your time, energy, and money!"

So by 2 they are passed out in their bed.  They share, because daughter refuses to sleep in her own bed. You know "F our money, right". I feel like this may need to be addressed when she gets older.

my son napped for 2 1/2 hours.
my daughter 3 1/2 hours.

She woke up just after 5:30pm!

And that was WWWAAAAAAYYYYY to long to let her nap. Because she was as grumpy as a fat kid coming home to the last piece of BDAY cake to only find out it was eaten by his baby sister!

Then my son starts acting up.

It takes 30 mins to get our stupid kids to put their "play" clothes on. That i picked out and handed to them. Its not like they had to get their own stupid clothes!

now its 630!

You dont show up to a friends bbq at 630 when it was supposed to start 12.

We tell my son "if you dont put your clothes on, we wont go"

he says "fine we will stay home then" and begins to jump around like he is requesting rain from the "Rain God" to harvest his crops for winter.

I had enough. I start to yell. "THAT'S IT WE ARE NOT GOING ANYMORE".

My son "WWWWWHHHHYYYYY???? I WANT TO GOOOOOOOOOOO"

"To bad dumb dumb. You acted like an idiot and im afraid you will act like this at my friends house and that's not acceptable".

He threw himself down on the ground and started kicking and screaming.

So we end up just going to see the fireworks at 9. Why 9? it was dark enough at 830! Thirty minutes doesnt seem like much but to a  5 and 2 year old. 30 minutes is FOR-EVER!

the moment the fireworks are done. my incredible, affectionate, prince and princess are turning into possessed demons in the car on the way home.

now its 11:06 and I'm typing this up. Because someone should enjoying hearing about this.