Mission Statement

Dad - 1. one's father.

1. "his dad was with him"

Swag (short for swagger) -  1.

walk or behave in a very confident and typically arrogant or aggressive way.

"he swaggered along the corridor"

synonyms:

strut, parade, stride; More

"That Dad Swag" is a blog meant to be "edu-taining." Hopefully you'll learn a thing or two and be entertained. I do a lot of research online and read a lot of books in regards to parenting. I will teach you the tips and ideas that have helped me get through this crazy adventure, while dressing sharp,  eating great, and being the dad that leaves a positive mark on your family.

Now, I'm going to talk to you as if you were one of my friends. I don't sugar coat it. I'll tell you straight up that you're getting fat, your haircut looks stupid, those clothes don't fit. And I usually say it with a few choice words (if there aren't any little asshole parrot kids around). But I'm also the guy who will pull you aside and let you know you got food stuck in your teeth.  I will step on that toilet tissue you have been dragging around. 

If you are ok with sarcasm, then continue reading this blog. I feel like a lot of you will get some good advice out of this. Like what, you ask? 

This blog will give you tips on:

Fashion -  (because some of you think wearing your favorite team jersey is "dressing up")

I'll teach how to put your clothes together and make a complete look. 

Food - I'll teach you how to cook some awesome meals.

(Homemade cheesecake)

Family - How to build better relationships with your wife, kids, parents, and in laws.

and entertain you with my crazy stories.  (I'm scared for my future, if I got what my mother hoped for) 

(I'll explain this one when we get to the blog about having your kids help you cook)

A little about me. 

I am a father of 2 kids (1 mini me, 1 mini wife) and 2 angel babies. I am a husband to my high school sweetheart. I am (as of this post) a Nordstrom employee in the Men's Sportswear department in Mission Viejo. I am crazed espn tv/radio sport-aholic,foodie, TV and movie watcher. I'm a huge music fan (from Beethoven to Tupac). But I also have some massive road rage and a short fuse. 

Who should read this blog:

Guys. 

Those who want to laugh their asses off.

People who check mark the male box.

People who want to end world hunger. 

Those yearning for a Krispy Kreme donut.

Human beings with a penis.
Parents who wish they could take a day off from being a parent.

The type of person who really hate AIDS.

Billy Ray Cyrus. 

Guys who want to step their game up.

Dads who like being dads

Dads who don't like being dads.

Some ladies who are also in that dad role. 

But Dads mainly.

You don't have to be a dad of course. You can read my stories about fatherhood and use that as a natural birth control. Or decide this sounds like one crazy ride, and ask yourself where do I buy tickets?! If you ever thought "I would like to feel hungover with out the fun of drinking most mornings for the rest of my life!!!!!" Then join the team of being a dad. 

Please just be the legal voting age. That way I don't feel bad when I curse. I will do it here. Because I'm not allowed to outloud in my home. And mainly because I don't want my toddler kids going around dropping f-bombs on the swings at the park while pretending to be Buzz Lightyear. "To fucking infinity and beyond  bitches!" 

Who shouldn't read this:

Hitler supporters. 

Cat ladies. 

Those who support AIDS. (Not those who have it but the actual disease)

The deceased.

Anyone who has forgotten 9/11.

People who speak in #hashtags.

People who don't know what a rotary phone is. 

People with no access to the Internet.  

If you ever bought a Justin Bieber album on purpose (this includes my wife).

Robots. 
Tom Brady. ( you have enough in life, I shouldnt have to entertain you)
If you still use "Who let the dogs out" as a joke. Except Alan from "The Hangover".

If you are over the age of 29 and wear skinny jeans, then sag them below your butt. 

People who call their pets "their kids". 

Justin Bieber. 

Anyone who is associated with the Yankees organization.  

Those who can't read or speak English. (Sorry mom but your accent is too heavy for most people to understand, so that includes you)

If you're older then 30 and still flip the middle finger in pictures. (And you are not a actor or musician - even then it's barely tolerable) 

Terrorists.
Any man who goes to a bar and orders a pina colada and you're not on vacation. 

And Zombies. I hate zombies. Really. I hope the zombie apocalypse happens, so I get my chance to shoot up some motha f'n zombies!! 

A wise man once told me "don't make your wife jealous of other women, make other women jealous of your wife".  If by reading that quote makes you think "hell yeah!" I want to be a dad with swag. Then this blog will help you achieve that.

That Dad Swag 

Any questions, concerns, or comments? Email me at Thatdadswagblog@gmail.com

Teach your kid some manners, or I'm going to drop kick him.

We've all witnessed it. Some bratty ass kid just runs over or precious child like its 4th and goal with less then a minute on the clock. You're standing there stunned. you're kid is laying there processing what the hell just happened "I was playing so nicely". 

So my little man and I are standing in line at the arcades games in our favorite pizza joint. Then some future Dallas cowboy Offensive Lineman/

hot dog competition champ just bull dozes my kid over. This kid looked like he was 2 going on 50lbs. Luckily my little T-Money  thought it was funny and just started laughing. I picked him up and dusted him off. No more then 30 seconds later the future diabetic comes plowing through again. Knocking over my little man one more time. This time my mini me did not find it funny.  All the while the the original poster child for heart disease is standing off to the side not being a parent.  So I tell the kid "we're all waiting in line to play the game. lets try to take turns ok buddy". This Affliction shirt, sagging below his butt cargo short, and Baseball cap to the side with the bill flipped up says to me "please don't discipline my son". So I get down on one knee (to get to my sons level) and verbatim say "remember what daddy said about punching kids in the face? If that kids pushes you down again, do it". I then stand up and slowly turn my head to the dad to stare him dead in the eyes. The fatty boom batty then grabs his kid and says "these guys aren't going to play nice". R U F'N kidding me?!?!? 

(If by chance you're the dad at the pizza place reading this, I was serious about telling my boy drop your kid

 And you should continue reading this because your kid needs some motha fucking manners and more importantly so do you. Idiot.)  

Living my first 13 years in Cincinnati, I was taught manners and would be reprimanded by individuals that weren't my parents if I didn't use them in public. Unfortunately it happened a lot since the only manners my mom really taught me was (In a heavy Asian accent)  "no talk back!!" Followed by a couple karate chops and some sort of kung fu nerve pinch that dropped me to my knees begging the executioner for mercy.  

I've had multiple occasions when someone will say " You have such great manners. you must not be from around here." It gives me a nice pat on the back but it saddens me that people out here in So.Cal dont know how to act properly and don't feel like teaching their stupid offspring.

We as Dads with Swag are responsible not only being there for our kids but also raising them to be a better person then we are.  It's up to us to raise a person 

who will be a functioning member of society. 

I love. LOVE! seeing parents who get embarrassed when there kids act all Gary Busey crazy. And they start apologizing "i dont know why Billy is acting like this." Really? ITS BECAUSE YOU don't have manners either. How are you gonna expect your drooling toddler to do the same?  So you want to Teach your kids "Please" and "Thank you". Then start using PLEASE and THANK YOU. 

Want your son to be an upstanding gentlemen, Teach your kids to hold doors for ladies and the elderly and just whoever is walking behind them.

DADS WITH SWAG. Want your son to be a pimp and have that swag like George Clooney   or  fucking James Bond. Teach him to open the car door for his lady or dates by watching you do it for your significant other. It's so simple but will separate him from the herd as the ALPHA MALE. He knows how to treat a lady. 

Teach you kids to say excuse me after burping, dropping bio warfare in their pants, and when he or she would like to interrupt a conversation. The next time I'm at a park and some kid comes running up yelling at 4 octaves to loud while i am in mid story, he or she will catch an elbow to the eye socket.

Teach your kids how to behave inside the store or when you're out in public. And if your one of those dirtbag parents who bring your kids into Nordstrom and just let them toss clothes around.....I'm tripping your kid if he or she gets close enough. TRIPPING THEM! They will catch a mouthful of linens and denim in their crooked un-brushed teeth.

I saw one kid inside at toys 'r' us litterally taking every Superman toy off the rack and dropping it onto the floor (about 9-10 toys) because the mom didnt want to buy it. And she just stood there saying "pick it up. Don't do that. That's not nice. we gotta go Henry".
(If your son is named Henry, about 5/6 years old, and you shop at the toys r us off Cabot in Mission Viejo.....your kid is an asshole and lucky I didn't hip check him in the Avenger toy section when he walked passed me.)  
She then grabbed the little asshole and walked away. I then said "really? Not gonna pick thatup"? I heard a huff and fast moving high heals getting farther and farther away.

(PS Henry's dad your wife has no back bone and you need to back your wife up more when she is disciplining your asshole kid. Also give Henry a hug here and there, it seems like he could use it.)

I was at the San Diego Zoo just a few days ago and it just so happened to be FIELD TRIP DAY! And this little 9-10 year old accident tries to push me out of his way to see a Panda Bear. I looked at him  and said "you need to say excuse me". The teacher looks at me like I'm an asshole. So once the crowd start to push in. I just stood on his right foot so he couldn't move. Like I really dug my heal in to his foot. Just kidding. I wish I did that. I also wish I "accidentally" bumped him over into the exhibit.

I hate hearing excuses like "he's so young". BS! You start young and continue to reinforce it so when they become an adult someone won't punch them out. 

It's never too early to teach your kid to be a respectful person. Basic manners. Lets try it out. 

Lets be Dads with Swag that have little kids with Swag.