Building them up.

Building confidence

"DADDY, SAVE ME". My son screamed in his first time in swim class just a few days ago. He was not pleased to be in the pool with a total stranger that he met 10 mins prior. He cried.  He tried to climb out of the instructors hands.  

Even though he wasn't really participating, I was cheering him on in all the little things he was willing to do. He crab crawled on the wall. Now even though he has been doing this for a year and a half now. I cheered him on like an over enthusiastic little league dad. I clapped hard. I cheered loudly. I let him know that I was watching and he was doing a great job. Throwing the pool toy. Putting his head under water. Blowing bubbles. You would of thought my son was trying to make the US Olympic squad. I was letting him know that he can do this. Afterwards I mentioned "How PROUD of him I was" about 30 times in the 3 hours from when he classed ended and when he fell asleep. In hopes that the next class would be a better day.

AND IT WAS. All the other parents were shocked. SHOCKED. That my crying and screaming mini me was not only participating in the class but excelling in it. He was jumping in to the pool. Swimming under water. Even cheering his classmates on.

To build up your child's confidence, all they need is....Praise. Positive reinforcement. This isn't boot camp. They don't need to be torn down to be brought back up. They are toddlers, babies, high schoolers.

Building confidence means being a - mirror/positive self image
It's like how Justin Timberlake said in "Mirrors"

It's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me
I couldn't get any bigger
With anyone else beside of me
And now it's clear as this promise
 (and that went just a bit to long)

A lot of your child's self-image comes not only from what the child sees in him/herself, but from how they think others see them.This all comes from reactions that parents, friends, and family make. My son said  "Daddy, I'm a shy boy". I asked him why does he think this? "Because (his preschool friend) said so". I told him "Buddy you're not shy. You are very brave. You approach kids in the park and make new friends all the time. Now would a shy boy do that?" He stood there for a moment and thought about what I said. "No".

I was at my nephew's little league basketball game. I noticed that the coach never once gave one compliment to his team. AND THEY WERE UP BY 20 at one point! It got so bad that he coaches son litterally just stop dribbling and slammed the ball down. Other parents were joing in and you could tell by the 3rd quarter and up by 17 the kids didn't care.  They checked out. So I just started yelling louder and giving props to these 6th-8th graders. They started playing harder. They finished strong. Once the game was down I walked up to few kids, gave them some props in person and a few pointers. The next game was the championship game and they won by 20 after they were considered the underdogs.

Building confidence also means  - Playing/having fun together.
Kids associate a lot of there confidence to play time. It sounds weird but I tell you its true. If your kid is sitting alone in their room and playing by themselves they will think they are boring and not fun. So the moment you see your kid playing by themselves and you are reading your facebook feed or twitter news. Put down the phone and give them some play time. AND JUST PLAY. Don't critique them. Don't tell them "that's not how this works", "superman doesn't need a plane", just play. Have fun.

Building confidence also means - Don't be fake.
Kids can read you better then you think. They know when they are being bamboozled by a phony voice and smile. You don't have to be the "Wiggles" or "Barney" every time. When they do something and you're not on your A Game because you haven't had your mocha latte yet. Don't fake the funk. But when you do have that sweet sweet caffeinated drink coursing through your veins, bring up that "thing they did again" and be a little more energetic about it.

Help them build a positive self image by giving them praise/cheering them on, spend time with them, and don't B rated movie fake.

Pretty simple right. 

Daddy, do you have a hydrangea?

 Who remembers watching Kindergarten cop? Now do you remember that part where that little bowl hair cut kid stands up and says "boys have a penis, girls have a vagina."?  Classic.

So my son who is about to be three is learning what makes boys and girls different. YEAH!!!! Time for awkward questions about genders in public places in front of complete strangers!!!!! 

My mini me and I are in the mall. I don't remember why. I don't even remember if we accomplished the purpose of going there. But he stops me in front of a group of stay at home moms and says "daddy, how come i don't have a vagina?"  Well buddy, you're a boy and boys have (interrupted)  "A PENIS!!!!!! AAAAAAAA!!!!" Then he begins to run around in circles like he is terrified of the terrible penis getting him. I look up at the ladies who are laughing and politely acknowledging the awkwardness. I tell them we are explaining the differences between boys and girls. They all make comments along the lines of "been there", "can't wait for that talk", and "isn't it a little early for that talk".  A few mothers chimed in that it isn't and I used that as my queue to move the awkwardness along to ...... Where the hell are we going?

I know some parents that get uncomfortable with this topic. I don't understand why though. It's natural (like farts and poop) for little boys and girls to want to know why mommy,daddy, or baby brother or sister have different parts down there. Kids are inquisitive. And that's a good thing. 

Some parents decide to go with the "front butt" or "who ha"and the "pee pee". I think that eventually confuses the kid once they start learning the words penis and vagina. 

Be direct, short and sweet. It's better you talk to your kid then someone else. To your toddler that body part is no different then any other appendage and characteristic he or she has. Just call it what it is. It's called a penis buddy. Or a vagina dude. Then the dreaded "Why?" Comes. There to helps us go to the bathroom. "Why does mommy have a hydrangea?" Well buddy God made girls and boys different and unique.  (If you're not religious then.....I don't know how to answer that-good luck)

Don't be scared to talk about penises and vaginas. Just like I said in the beginning if you don't someone else will. Like some twisted kid who'se parents neglect and he is allowed to roam on the dangerous Internet by himself. He gets curious and types "boobs" and pictures come up. And one thing leads to another and now this demented weirdo is teaching your kid about private parts. So just jump in talk about it. 

Just remember 

Keep it simple

Use the real words

God made us different 

And to use the potty.

I'll leave you with a little convo with my little man. 

Mini me - daddy I don't have boobs. 

Me - you're right buddy. Boys don't have boobs 

Mini me- daddy, you have boobs.

Me - (depressing sigh) sort of. I have pecs. They look like boobs because daddy hasn't had a chance to work out. 

Mini me - yeah. You need to work out.

Me- are you trying to be hurtful? 

Mini me - no daddy. I love you. And I don't have boobs like daddy. 

Me- ok, it's now bed time. 

That Dad Swag. 

It's not the 1960s anymore

"Outfit. What man says OUT-FIT" was the reply I was given after I complimented this 1960s generation man on step up from his normal Under Armour jacket and tear away pants (as if he is the sixth man for the Lakers about to get called off the bench or at any moment he may hear Warrant's "Cherry Pie" song, and show no mercy to the tear away and go Full Monty on us)  he usually dons for an evening out on the town.

-2 hours earlier.
I was just standing there watching the game on tv. Minding my own business. When a family friend of close to 30 years my senior approached me. He congratulated me on the news of my 2nd child being conceived.  Yeah for UNPROTECTED SEX!!!! Anyways, this man whom I respected begins to share his personal views of stay at home dads. (He being completely unaware of the fact my wife and I were talking about me being the primary "day care" parent and that I just got hired for a part time job at Nordstrom.) He begins to state that "the country is going to hell" and that "we need more men, real men and not these (insert air quote hands) metro sexual men". I just laughed because what else could I do. Get into a heated argument right after he and his lovey sweet (very opinionated) wife just congratulated us on having UNPROTECTED SEX. Yeah you didn't use condoms!!!  O' to the miracle of creating a child and all the unwanted tips, advice, and opinions that come with it.  So I think to myself "F--- IT I'm a grown man. I'm gonna say something". So of course after the excitement of the UNPROTECTED SEX news energy dies down the normal guy questions get asked. "So how's work, are you still working at that law firm"? (AH yes my moment) So with a smile on my face I said "I took a job at Nordstrom in the Men's Department". The reaction was just what I was looking for. Mouth slightly opened, eyes getting wider, and the thought of "Is he one of those Metro Sexual guys I was just blasting an hour ago" running around in his mind.

Back to the game. There's a few cheers. A few boos. A few more booze. Then I get asked "So, Nordstrom huh"? "Yeah". "I heard their a good company to work for." "Yeah, I'm excited. You know I like to dress up". I get a compliment for what I was wearing. I then give a compliment back "yeah, I been meaning to compliment you on the outfit you put together".  That's when I get hit with the "Outfit. What man says OUT-FIT".

Its a New Era. More and more men are putting effort into how they look. More and more men are getting in the kitchen. And more and more men are staying at home. I would like to give a shout out to all the bra burning ladies for demanding equal pay, job opportunities, and rights. God Bless ya. Because now instead of dealing with that rush hour 405 death sentence traffic, I'm watching Elmo teach my kid that it is important to wash your hands after using the potty. (To wit, it really is)  While eating a bowl of cheerios, in my jams jams.

Its not the 1960s anymore.

"So don't usually ladies work at clothing stores"?

I usually have Mondays and Wednesdays off from work. So those are the days I take my mini me to a park by my house. I normally meet my friend who is a full time stay at home dad and our kids normally run around (sort of playing) together.  While we are discussing are fantasy football teams and how Kaepernick torched the Packers in week 1 (thank you for doing practically NOTHING from then on COLIN) another dad in his mid 40s comes stomping up with his kid as if he would rather sit in a bunch power point presentations then play tag.

Now my buddy and I usually greet other parents that come walking up and immediately explain which kids are ours.  And this tool made it very clear that "my wife is sick so I HAD to take a day off to BABY SIT my kids" (A note to you dads or future dads YOU'RE NOT BABY SITTING YOUR OWN KIDS) So my buddy and I go back to talking football. Mid level guy all of a sudden perks up like a dog that heard the word "walk". Mid level guys begins to brag about the Patriots. (Side note for you all who dont pay attention to football, before this season started the Patriots refused to pay their best receiver so he left for Tom Brady's  rival. Their 2nd best weapon kept pushing back his surgery to repair his back and knee. And if you havent heard of Aaron Hernandez - Google it.)

So we get to talking to this dad. He is some mid level guy of some tech company not many people heard of. Yet he has the arrogance you would think Steve Jobs had once the IPOD was introduced.  Like this M------- F--------  invented something. He then asks what we do in this really off putting tone. My buddy said he is a stay at home dad to which this douche said "that's...nice". I then mention I'm a part time employee at Nordstrom. Then I get hit with the  "So don't usually ladies work at clothing stores"? I bit my tongue with my first reaction because I'm surrounded by toddlers so I just reply with "Yeah usually but I think guys have been employed or started companies like Nordstrom since the invention of Department stores".

Its not the 1960s anymore. Nordstrom was actually founded by 2 men.

"Honey I'm home".

I was shocked to hear that they're dads out there under 45 years old that come home and go straight to the couch and expect to do NOTHING in the home. They just rest their plumply jiggle after a milkshake butts on "their" chair and grab the remote. It BLOWS MY MIND. Especially when their wives work FULL TIME jobs too!!! Look idiot. If your wife works too. Then guess what you plopping your fat lard on the couch is the biggest sign of disrespect to your wife. If you wanted a maid you should of hired one. If you wanted a partner in the crazy journey called life, then get your ass up. Play with your kids or help slice a damn tomato! 

Right before I put the key in the door I take a deeeeeeep breathe and say "these are the people I love the most in this world". And I try my best to walk in with a smile on my face. Trust me, I get it. When you get home your probably a bit antsy and aggravated from a day at the office because some jack hole drop the ball on his end of a project you guys were working on and you got reamed for it. But that's not your wife or kids fault that you had a rough day. I had one friend who literally would walk in and completely GHOST his wife, head straight to the bedroom, get undressed and play video games on the computer. He would come out an hour or two later to eat dinner and then go back to the world of Nerd-Dom. 

I eventually told my "buddy" that what he does is pretty jacked up. He ended up changing his ways for about a week. Then went back to the present absentee father. The topic got brought up again and he so poetically told me to go mind my own business.  Unfortunately this guy is now on his 4th marriage. And we no longer talk. 

But you're not like that. You're a Dad with Swag.