You're child isn't a pathological liar.....yet.

For all my parents who survived the terrible 2s. Congrats. You did it. You survived your own personal 'Nam.  Now get ready to deal with a THREE-Nager.

The three to four year old time in your kids life is awesome. They are starting to "get it". They can speak a little bit better then your drunk college buddy after a 24 pack of PBR. GOD BLESS AMERICA.

But during this time something happens to them. They grasp the idea that mommy and daddy don't always SEE EVERYTHING and you sure don't KNOW EVERYTHING either. Its not that they are trying to be a mastermind criminal here. They just realized that they don't HAVE to tell the truth. Catch them in the act immediately. DON'T wait til next time. Because next time will not happen the next time and you will have what one of my buddies has in lying ass brat siblings.


 My buddy is always on the straight and narrow path. Always tells the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but. To a fault. But for some reason his two younger siblings lie about the DUMBEST SIMPLEST $h!%. The parents obviously know that Dumb and Dumber are lying but won't do or say anything about it. It will be about "who left the tv on?" or "Who didn't put the ice cream back" STUPID STUPID reasons to lie but they do. (I'm not saying there are smart reasons to lie but why break a the 9th commandment on that??? Use it to avoid Jail time or a speeding ticket. Not costing dad a few extra cents to the electric bill!)

They will test you. They will lie like Barry Bonds on trial for ROIDS. (WE ALL KNOW YOU DID IT BARRY! YOUR HEAD GREW 2 FULL HAT SIZES  AT 35! THAT $h!% DON'T HAPPEN TO ANYONE!!!)

Well back to catching your kid being a little @$$hole liar and try to figure out why the bastard is lying.

1) Avoiding trouble - obvious right.

They are trying to dodge a bullet. Avoid a punishment. Not catch a chin check. (just kidding. Do NOT hit your children) When this happens focus on the fact that they lied and how hurt you are. Don't focus on the act that caused them to lie. Focus on the fact you KNOW they lied. Let them know that it hurts you knowing your sweet boy/girl/demon spawn LIED  to you. Let them know that if they continue to lie to you, you won't be able to trust them. Make it a one man drama show (WIN THAT OSCAR!)  "Oh Billy! I cant believe you lied to me. It hurts my feelings sooooooooo much to know you lied to me. I love you and can't believe you would not treat me with the same love". Make them understand the pain it caused that they lied to daddy and mommy. Once they get that. Go back to the crayola "cave man" style painting that low is on display. BUT FOCUS ON THE LIE!

It's our job to be the "moral police". We as dads are setting the ground work for our kids behavior in the future. Don't brush this off. This is a big deal.  I know some parents who have never really put this as a priority in their child's lives. 

2) Gain attention -

"Daddy, did you know that my friend has a dragon for a pet and we flew to Disney Land".

Now this is a harmless one. In my opinion. But when your child is spewing nonsense help them understand whats their imagination and whats real. Then ask them why and how did they come up with that very creative "story".  When your child is bringing up bush league material to the convo they need some attention. Take a few minutes from what your doing and just chat with your kid.

3) Bragging -

"My daddy once help Batman fight Mr.Freeze and he got frozen but broke out and then they sent Mr.Freeze to jail but he broke out with his ICE CANNON. So MY DAD flew in the bat plane .....(you get it)

From what I've read this is connected to low self esteem or not feeling connected to peers. If you hear your child telling some tall tales. Start playing with them more. Build them up. This isn't going to happen over night. It will be a process. But the time you take to do this will be worth it.  


Be the Moral Compass of your family. Your kids are watching you. Monkey see, Monkey do.  Be a Dad with Swag.


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Building them up.

Building confidence

"DADDY, SAVE ME". My son screamed in his first time in swim class just a few days ago. He was not pleased to be in the pool with a total stranger that he met 10 mins prior. He cried.  He tried to climb out of the instructors hands.  

Even though he wasn't really participating, I was cheering him on in all the little things he was willing to do. He crab crawled on the wall. Now even though he has been doing this for a year and a half now. I cheered him on like an over enthusiastic little league dad. I clapped hard. I cheered loudly. I let him know that I was watching and he was doing a great job. Throwing the pool toy. Putting his head under water. Blowing bubbles. You would of thought my son was trying to make the US Olympic squad. I was letting him know that he can do this. Afterwards I mentioned "How PROUD of him I was" about 30 times in the 3 hours from when he classed ended and when he fell asleep. In hopes that the next class would be a better day.

AND IT WAS. All the other parents were shocked. SHOCKED. That my crying and screaming mini me was not only participating in the class but excelling in it. He was jumping in to the pool. Swimming under water. Even cheering his classmates on.

To build up your child's confidence, all they need is....Praise. Positive reinforcement. This isn't boot camp. They don't need to be torn down to be brought back up. They are toddlers, babies, high schoolers.

Building confidence means being a - mirror/positive self image
It's like how Justin Timberlake said in "Mirrors"

It's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me
I couldn't get any bigger
With anyone else beside of me
And now it's clear as this promise
 (and that went just a bit to long)

A lot of your child's self-image comes not only from what the child sees in him/herself, but from how they think others see them.This all comes from reactions that parents, friends, and family make. My son said  "Daddy, I'm a shy boy". I asked him why does he think this? "Because (his preschool friend) said so". I told him "Buddy you're not shy. You are very brave. You approach kids in the park and make new friends all the time. Now would a shy boy do that?" He stood there for a moment and thought about what I said. "No".

I was at my nephew's little league basketball game. I noticed that the coach never once gave one compliment to his team. AND THEY WERE UP BY 20 at one point! It got so bad that he coaches son litterally just stop dribbling and slammed the ball down. Other parents were joing in and you could tell by the 3rd quarter and up by 17 the kids didn't care.  They checked out. So I just started yelling louder and giving props to these 6th-8th graders. They started playing harder. They finished strong. Once the game was down I walked up to few kids, gave them some props in person and a few pointers. The next game was the championship game and they won by 20 after they were considered the underdogs.

Building confidence also means  - Playing/having fun together.
Kids associate a lot of there confidence to play time. It sounds weird but I tell you its true. If your kid is sitting alone in their room and playing by themselves they will think they are boring and not fun. So the moment you see your kid playing by themselves and you are reading your facebook feed or twitter news. Put down the phone and give them some play time. AND JUST PLAY. Don't critique them. Don't tell them "that's not how this works", "superman doesn't need a plane", just play. Have fun.

Building confidence also means - Don't be fake.
Kids can read you better then you think. They know when they are being bamboozled by a phony voice and smile. You don't have to be the "Wiggles" or "Barney" every time. When they do something and you're not on your A Game because you haven't had your mocha latte yet. Don't fake the funk. But when you do have that sweet sweet caffeinated drink coursing through your veins, bring up that "thing they did again" and be a little more energetic about it.

Help them build a positive self image by giving them praise/cheering them on, spend time with them, and don't B rated movie fake.

Pretty simple right. 

Sometimes I wish I could punch my son in the face!

Your sweet little child out of nowhere transform into a maniacal monster.

 
Nothing you do will calm them down or get them back on track to being a functioning member of the family. You hate to say it but you just want to punch that little monster in the side of his stupid face! But you can't, because that my friends is child abuse.You try to debate yourself "maybe a soft jab just to set the tone" and let them know you're serious. Just kidding, don't hit your kid. Seriously. Please don't. Can't stress that enough.

What seems to work for my wife and myself (when I have the patience and remember that I'm the parent) we just ignore our little terror. It usually lasts another 2 minutes. Sometimes 10 seconds others 5 minutes of pure Water boarding torture tantrum. But he finally calms down and starts to cry out of embarrassment. That's when I subtly smirk to my self and say "Who's gonna protect this house! Under armour!" And I do a little dance. Nothing that stands out just simple robot or maybe a quick 2 step and spin, and sometimes I spike the football and pound my chest. 

But what you do after the celebration dance is just as important as the dance itself.  Sometimes I'll just walk up and hug my little demon spawn and tell him "I love you buds. Daddy will always love you (under my breathe though "just not when you being an unbearable shit monster") you just need to listen and OBEY to mommy and daddy." We throw in the "Obey" in with the "listen to mommy and daddy" because we all "listen" to our parents.!I just don't jump on the crap my mom tells me about. 

"Alba, go to Walph's (Ralph's) they have 4 apple for one dolla" (my mom can't pronounce Rs to save her life). And I respond "mom I don't care about apples. I'm not driving 15 mins out of my way with 2 kids just to buy apples...... Drop the APPLES mom! ...... Drop it!..... Yes money is important, it is important to save! .......Your right money doesn't grow on trees. ...... Yes, apples do grow on trees. I said DROP THE DAMN APPLES!!  

Sorry got off topic there. Let's get back to matter at hand. 

We then go over what he did that caused the meltdown and why mommy and daddy decided what we did. 

It seems to help for us. Hopefully it will help for you.

Now if you're in a public place when that poltergeist demon starts to come out. Just hug them. Pick them up, pull them away from the commotion and hug them. If your kid is the type that needs a few minutes of space, give it to them. Wait until they calm their silly tiny asses down and then try to calmly talk to them.  

Shouting begets shouting. Try using this during a serious public meltdown: the whisper.

The next time your kid starts acting all drunk Alec Bladwin voice mail crazy, just start whispering.  Do it with a smile on your face. Watch the confusion flood their face and see them stop what they're doing and walk over to you. When they ask "what are you saying daddy?" you swoop them up and say "I love you" and spin them around. Their anger turns to laughter and they are happy again...

Key talking points -

We all sometimes want punch our lil' angel, but don't.

Use the ignore method. Then dance.

Use the whipser in a public setting. Then hug them. 

Let's stop being the "the angry dads" it didnt really work on us. Lets game the change. 

Lets be the Dad with Swag.