You're child isn't a pathological liar.....yet.

For all my parents who survived the terrible 2s. Congrats. You did it. You survived your own personal 'Nam.  Now get ready to deal with a THREE-Nager.

The three to four year old time in your kids life is awesome. They are starting to "get it". They can speak a little bit better then your drunk college buddy after a 24 pack of PBR. GOD BLESS AMERICA.

But during this time something happens to them. They grasp the idea that mommy and daddy don't always SEE EVERYTHING and you sure don't KNOW EVERYTHING either. Its not that they are trying to be a mastermind criminal here. They just realized that they don't HAVE to tell the truth. Catch them in the act immediately. DON'T wait til next time. Because next time will not happen the next time and you will have what one of my buddies has in lying ass brat siblings.


 My buddy is always on the straight and narrow path. Always tells the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but. To a fault. But for some reason his two younger siblings lie about the DUMBEST SIMPLEST $h!%. The parents obviously know that Dumb and Dumber are lying but won't do or say anything about it. It will be about "who left the tv on?" or "Who didn't put the ice cream back" STUPID STUPID reasons to lie but they do. (I'm not saying there are smart reasons to lie but why break a the 9th commandment on that??? Use it to avoid Jail time or a speeding ticket. Not costing dad a few extra cents to the electric bill!)

They will test you. They will lie like Barry Bonds on trial for ROIDS. (WE ALL KNOW YOU DID IT BARRY! YOUR HEAD GREW 2 FULL HAT SIZES  AT 35! THAT $h!% DON'T HAPPEN TO ANYONE!!!)

Well back to catching your kid being a little @$$hole liar and try to figure out why the bastard is lying.

1) Avoiding trouble - obvious right.

They are trying to dodge a bullet. Avoid a punishment. Not catch a chin check. (just kidding. Do NOT hit your children) When this happens focus on the fact that they lied and how hurt you are. Don't focus on the act that caused them to lie. Focus on the fact you KNOW they lied. Let them know that it hurts you knowing your sweet boy/girl/demon spawn LIED  to you. Let them know that if they continue to lie to you, you won't be able to trust them. Make it a one man drama show (WIN THAT OSCAR!)  "Oh Billy! I cant believe you lied to me. It hurts my feelings sooooooooo much to know you lied to me. I love you and can't believe you would not treat me with the same love". Make them understand the pain it caused that they lied to daddy and mommy. Once they get that. Go back to the crayola "cave man" style painting that low is on display. BUT FOCUS ON THE LIE!

It's our job to be the "moral police". We as dads are setting the ground work for our kids behavior in the future. Don't brush this off. This is a big deal.  I know some parents who have never really put this as a priority in their child's lives. 

2) Gain attention -

"Daddy, did you know that my friend has a dragon for a pet and we flew to Disney Land".

Now this is a harmless one. In my opinion. But when your child is spewing nonsense help them understand whats their imagination and whats real. Then ask them why and how did they come up with that very creative "story".  When your child is bringing up bush league material to the convo they need some attention. Take a few minutes from what your doing and just chat with your kid.

3) Bragging -

"My daddy once help Batman fight Mr.Freeze and he got frozen but broke out and then they sent Mr.Freeze to jail but he broke out with his ICE CANNON. So MY DAD flew in the bat plane .....(you get it)

From what I've read this is connected to low self esteem or not feeling connected to peers. If you hear your child telling some tall tales. Start playing with them more. Build them up. This isn't going to happen over night. It will be a process. But the time you take to do this will be worth it.  


Be the Moral Compass of your family. Your kids are watching you. Monkey see, Monkey do.  Be a Dad with Swag.


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Sometimes I wish I could punch my son in the face!

Your sweet little child out of nowhere transform into a maniacal monster.

 
Nothing you do will calm them down or get them back on track to being a functioning member of the family. You hate to say it but you just want to punch that little monster in the side of his stupid face! But you can't, because that my friends is child abuse.You try to debate yourself "maybe a soft jab just to set the tone" and let them know you're serious. Just kidding, don't hit your kid. Seriously. Please don't. Can't stress that enough.

What seems to work for my wife and myself (when I have the patience and remember that I'm the parent) we just ignore our little terror. It usually lasts another 2 minutes. Sometimes 10 seconds others 5 minutes of pure Water boarding torture tantrum. But he finally calms down and starts to cry out of embarrassment. That's when I subtly smirk to my self and say "Who's gonna protect this house! Under armour!" And I do a little dance. Nothing that stands out just simple robot or maybe a quick 2 step and spin, and sometimes I spike the football and pound my chest. 

But what you do after the celebration dance is just as important as the dance itself.  Sometimes I'll just walk up and hug my little demon spawn and tell him "I love you buds. Daddy will always love you (under my breathe though "just not when you being an unbearable shit monster") you just need to listen and OBEY to mommy and daddy." We throw in the "Obey" in with the "listen to mommy and daddy" because we all "listen" to our parents.!I just don't jump on the crap my mom tells me about. 

"Alba, go to Walph's (Ralph's) they have 4 apple for one dolla" (my mom can't pronounce Rs to save her life). And I respond "mom I don't care about apples. I'm not driving 15 mins out of my way with 2 kids just to buy apples...... Drop the APPLES mom! ...... Drop it!..... Yes money is important, it is important to save! .......Your right money doesn't grow on trees. ...... Yes, apples do grow on trees. I said DROP THE DAMN APPLES!!  

Sorry got off topic there. Let's get back to matter at hand. 

We then go over what he did that caused the meltdown and why mommy and daddy decided what we did. 

It seems to help for us. Hopefully it will help for you.

Now if you're in a public place when that poltergeist demon starts to come out. Just hug them. Pick them up, pull them away from the commotion and hug them. If your kid is the type that needs a few minutes of space, give it to them. Wait until they calm their silly tiny asses down and then try to calmly talk to them.  

Shouting begets shouting. Try using this during a serious public meltdown: the whisper.

The next time your kid starts acting all drunk Alec Bladwin voice mail crazy, just start whispering.  Do it with a smile on your face. Watch the confusion flood their face and see them stop what they're doing and walk over to you. When they ask "what are you saying daddy?" you swoop them up and say "I love you" and spin them around. Their anger turns to laughter and they are happy again...

Key talking points -

We all sometimes want punch our lil' angel, but don't.

Use the ignore method. Then dance.

Use the whipser in a public setting. Then hug them. 

Let's stop being the "the angry dads" it didnt really work on us. Lets game the change. 

Lets be the Dad with Swag.