The follow through (this isnt about Golf swings)

If you don't stop, we are going home this instant! How many of you heard this?  But who says "this instant" anymore. Answer no one.

Remember when your family went on a road trip?  Then all of a sudden the energy and anticipation is to much for you and your siblings and you all start going bat shit crazy? Then a parent makes the statement like "if you do that one more time we will not .......". But it happens again. Then you get the "I mean it". Then you all are almost there and it's "we will turn the car around!" IT NEVER HAPPENED. You hit your sister like 7 times in the 1st hour of the drive! Nothing changed except maybe a back hand comes flying that completely misses because your mom didnt have the hand eye coordination to complete such an act. THERE WAS NO FOLLOW THROUGH. 

We all pushed the limits on our parents to borderline insanity. The car never got turned around, the toy never really got handed to a "kid who will appreciate it more", and I did "go out that weekend." I feel like our parents were either the drill sergeant or the boy who cried wolf. It was insanely strict or insanely harmless. Some parents were both depending on what child they were dealing with. 

You want your kids to understand you mean business when you say something like "you do not get Ice cream, or the new toy or, go to so and so's" then actually FOLLOW THROUGH WITH IT. 

One night I was at work and I'm helping this young couple of three kids. All under the age of 4 and these parents were maybe 30 at best.

Lets all take a moment and pray for them......... Amen.

Well their kids hit the breaking point while the dad is trying on a suit. (Future note: suits take time to get right. So don't come in 30 minutes before closing with 3 kids hopped up on fro-yo and expect them to be mild mannered children when it's 25 mins passed bed time) the mom and dad kept saying "if you don't stop I'm taking the iPad away".

Yes IPad 3 kids under 4 working the IPad. A 300-500 dollar item is in the trusted hands of a preschooler and her toddler siblings.

So the IPAD was threaten to be taken away about 11-13 times in the 30 mins I had to get him in a "suit and tie" "suit and tie" "suit and tie" (shout out to Justin timberlake). There was no follow through. Now I understand why . Your inside Nordstrom you dont want a bigger melt down. But the kids never flinched, DID NOT FLINCH when the IPAD was threaten. They kept their little asshole faces glued to the angry birds game. Probably because it was a pattern of behavior. It seemed like there wasn't ever much follow through on the threats they've heard before.

If you want to correct the kids behavior make the follow through happen. Starting now. Right now. Go and take your kids toy away for no reason at all. I'll wait.

.......... Ok good.

 The next time your sweet child is getting out of line. You layeth the smacketh down. Strong and firm. So when you say "if you do that again, I'm taking your toy away". And the little asshole gives you the stink eye and tests you. You snatch up that toy and watch them cry. Well don't really watch them cry just walk away and put the toy up on the fridge. You explain to them that you told that 30lb devil not to do something and they did it, so there. Let them know they can "earn" their toy back through community service or it will be release early on good behavior.  

Make your word, Your Word. Its like the BIBLE but not from God. They will learn and act accordingly when out in public (for the most part). They will understand daddy means his shit and they won't get ice cream if they start acting all Miley Cyrus/Justin bieber (Sorry if your reading this Billy ray and mr mrs bieber, but your daughter and son are NUCKING FUTS)

Who loves watching the "counting to 3" parents as much as I do? If you're one of those parents stop doing it. It's not good for them. Their learning to test the boundaries and will push it a little more and more each time. When that little terror becomes a teenager are you gonna count to 20? 

I'm at this park that little man and I frequent. And this one little kid is just running around, throwing fistfuls of sand at other kids. He was saying a catch phrase with it too. Which I found amusing, until little man got tagged with sand to the back of his dome piece. I told this kid its not nice to throw sand and to not do it anymore. The mom comes over tells her dickhead kid to apologize and he runs off. So she apologizes for her son. I told her she doesn't have to apologize she wasn't the one who threw the sand. So this future 2 time felon does it again but this time to this sweet little girl just learning to walk. Maybe 13 months old. BAM right to the grill. Girl falls backs trying to gag sand out of her mouth. The little girl's mom literally SHRIEKS and comes FLo-Jo sprinting to her daughters aid. Like she was being ambushed by a rabid wolf pack. So I see this one mom count to 3. Then 5. Then 10.  She then loses her mind and just snatched her kid up. So fast I swear I saw that road runner  Looney Tunes shiloette cloud. They disappear in their car and take off. 

There probably isn't much follow through. The kid didnt feel the need to apologize and he watch his mom count to ten. Either this kids parent ALLOW this maniac act like this due to not following through with punishments or this kid has Lance Armstrong denial of PED size BALLS. Well I guess Lance's ball (singular) isn't that big if he did take steroids. Well that's the rumored side effect of that any ways. 

No follow through. Yes your kid will get upset. Get over it!!!!  They will... eventually. Your job as a parent isn't to be their best friend, it's to raise a person who will eventually be a positive part of the community not jail. 

Follow through. It's good for them. And will save you a few gray hairs down the road.

Building them up.

Building confidence

"DADDY, SAVE ME". My son screamed in his first time in swim class just a few days ago. He was not pleased to be in the pool with a total stranger that he met 10 mins prior. He cried.  He tried to climb out of the instructors hands.  

Even though he wasn't really participating, I was cheering him on in all the little things he was willing to do. He crab crawled on the wall. Now even though he has been doing this for a year and a half now. I cheered him on like an over enthusiastic little league dad. I clapped hard. I cheered loudly. I let him know that I was watching and he was doing a great job. Throwing the pool toy. Putting his head under water. Blowing bubbles. You would of thought my son was trying to make the US Olympic squad. I was letting him know that he can do this. Afterwards I mentioned "How PROUD of him I was" about 30 times in the 3 hours from when he classed ended and when he fell asleep. In hopes that the next class would be a better day.

AND IT WAS. All the other parents were shocked. SHOCKED. That my crying and screaming mini me was not only participating in the class but excelling in it. He was jumping in to the pool. Swimming under water. Even cheering his classmates on.

To build up your child's confidence, all they need is....Praise. Positive reinforcement. This isn't boot camp. They don't need to be torn down to be brought back up. They are toddlers, babies, high schoolers.

Building confidence means being a - mirror/positive self image
It's like how Justin Timberlake said in "Mirrors"

It's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me
I couldn't get any bigger
With anyone else beside of me
And now it's clear as this promise
 (and that went just a bit to long)

A lot of your child's self-image comes not only from what the child sees in him/herself, but from how they think others see them.This all comes from reactions that parents, friends, and family make. My son said  "Daddy, I'm a shy boy". I asked him why does he think this? "Because (his preschool friend) said so". I told him "Buddy you're not shy. You are very brave. You approach kids in the park and make new friends all the time. Now would a shy boy do that?" He stood there for a moment and thought about what I said. "No".

I was at my nephew's little league basketball game. I noticed that the coach never once gave one compliment to his team. AND THEY WERE UP BY 20 at one point! It got so bad that he coaches son litterally just stop dribbling and slammed the ball down. Other parents were joing in and you could tell by the 3rd quarter and up by 17 the kids didn't care.  They checked out. So I just started yelling louder and giving props to these 6th-8th graders. They started playing harder. They finished strong. Once the game was down I walked up to few kids, gave them some props in person and a few pointers. The next game was the championship game and they won by 20 after they were considered the underdogs.

Building confidence also means  - Playing/having fun together.
Kids associate a lot of there confidence to play time. It sounds weird but I tell you its true. If your kid is sitting alone in their room and playing by themselves they will think they are boring and not fun. So the moment you see your kid playing by themselves and you are reading your facebook feed or twitter news. Put down the phone and give them some play time. AND JUST PLAY. Don't critique them. Don't tell them "that's not how this works", "superman doesn't need a plane", just play. Have fun.

Building confidence also means - Don't be fake.
Kids can read you better then you think. They know when they are being bamboozled by a phony voice and smile. You don't have to be the "Wiggles" or "Barney" every time. When they do something and you're not on your A Game because you haven't had your mocha latte yet. Don't fake the funk. But when you do have that sweet sweet caffeinated drink coursing through your veins, bring up that "thing they did again" and be a little more energetic about it.

Help them build a positive self image by giving them praise/cheering them on, spend time with them, and don't B rated movie fake.

Pretty simple right.