My son calls super heroes by their first name

    (My son and I dressed up as superheroes on our way to trader joes, because he refused to let me change) 

Side note - the cape was my Christmas present from him. He is awesome. 

"Ironman is Tony Stark, I'm Tyson" - my son yelled to a lady when she called him Ironman.  The lady apologized. As she should. The real ironman is definitely not 3 feet tall. Idiot. 

My son calls super heroes by their secret identity. I believe it's because he feels they're on the same level. He calls Superman - Clark kent, the hulk - Bruce Banner, Spider-Man - Peter Parker, wolverine - Logan. But where my son takes it to far is Batman. My son has the nerve to call The Cape Crusader -Bruce Wayne. The nerve of this kid!  I kept correcting him and every time he looks at me like I'M THE ONE OUT OF LINE! The balls on this kid. The Dark Knight he calls by his Christian Name! Who the hell does my son think he is!? 

All jokes aside he takes this superhero business serious. He wants to learn the secret identity, how did he get his powers, what can his powers do, who is he friend with, and does he have a cool ride? 

He asks these questions a few times but he get them down and then has the need to remind the individual who taught him this shit. I'm like "dude, I was in comic books back when "one rolled up pant leg" (a la LL cool J) was cool. 

I'm hoping this calling superheroes by their government name is somehow weirdly connected to his confidence. And that he sees superheroes as equals because he feels he is equally as cool. 

Daddy, do you have a hydrangea?

 Who remembers watching Kindergarten cop? Now do you remember that part where that little bowl hair cut kid stands up and says "boys have a penis, girls have a vagina."?  Classic.

So my son who is about to be three is learning what makes boys and girls different. YEAH!!!! Time for awkward questions about genders in public places in front of complete strangers!!!!! 

My mini me and I are in the mall. I don't remember why. I don't even remember if we accomplished the purpose of going there. But he stops me in front of a group of stay at home moms and says "daddy, how come i don't have a vagina?"  Well buddy, you're a boy and boys have (interrupted)  "A PENIS!!!!!! AAAAAAAA!!!!" Then he begins to run around in circles like he is terrified of the terrible penis getting him. I look up at the ladies who are laughing and politely acknowledging the awkwardness. I tell them we are explaining the differences between boys and girls. They all make comments along the lines of "been there", "can't wait for that talk", and "isn't it a little early for that talk".  A few mothers chimed in that it isn't and I used that as my queue to move the awkwardness along to ...... Where the hell are we going?

I know some parents that get uncomfortable with this topic. I don't understand why though. It's natural (like farts and poop) for little boys and girls to want to know why mommy,daddy, or baby brother or sister have different parts down there. Kids are inquisitive. And that's a good thing. 

Some parents decide to go with the "front butt" or "who ha"and the "pee pee". I think that eventually confuses the kid once they start learning the words penis and vagina. 

Be direct, short and sweet. It's better you talk to your kid then someone else. To your toddler that body part is no different then any other appendage and characteristic he or she has. Just call it what it is. It's called a penis buddy. Or a vagina dude. Then the dreaded "Why?" Comes. There to helps us go to the bathroom. "Why does mommy have a hydrangea?" Well buddy God made girls and boys different and unique.  (If you're not religious then.....I don't know how to answer that-good luck)

Don't be scared to talk about penises and vaginas. Just like I said in the beginning if you don't someone else will. Like some twisted kid who'se parents neglect and he is allowed to roam on the dangerous Internet by himself. He gets curious and types "boobs" and pictures come up. And one thing leads to another and now this demented weirdo is teaching your kid about private parts. So just jump in talk about it. 

Just remember 

Keep it simple

Use the real words

God made us different 

And to use the potty.

I'll leave you with a little convo with my little man. 

Mini me - daddy I don't have boobs. 

Me - you're right buddy. Boys don't have boobs 

Mini me- daddy, you have boobs.

Me - (depressing sigh) sort of. I have pecs. They look like boobs because daddy hasn't had a chance to work out. 

Mini me - yeah. You need to work out.

Me- are you trying to be hurtful? 

Mini me - no daddy. I love you. And I don't have boobs like daddy. 

Me- ok, it's now bed time. 

That Dad Swag.