Nothing you do will calm them down or get them back on track to being a functioning member of the family. You hate to say it but you just want to punch that little monster in the side of his stupid face! But you can't, because that my friends is child abuse.You try to debate yourself "maybe a soft jab just to set the tone" and let them know you're serious. Just kidding, don't hit your kid. Seriously. Please don't. Can't stress that enough.
What seems to work for my wife and myself (when I have the patience and remember that I'm the parent) we just ignore our little terror. It usually lasts another 2 minutes. Sometimes 10 seconds others 5 minutes of pure Water boarding torture tantrum. But he finally calms down and starts to cry out of embarrassment. That's when I subtly smirk to my self and say "Who's gonna protect this house! Under armour!" And I do a little dance. Nothing that stands out just simple robot or maybe a quick 2 step and spin, and sometimes I spike the football and pound my chest.
But what you do after the celebration dance is just as important as the dance itself. Sometimes I'll just walk up and hug my little demon spawn and tell him "I love you buds. Daddy will always love you (under my breathe though "just not when you being an unbearable shit monster") you just need to listen and OBEY to mommy and daddy." We throw in the "Obey" in with the "listen to mommy and daddy" because we all "listen" to our parents.!I just don't jump on the crap my mom tells me about.
"Alba, go to Walph's (Ralph's) they have 4 apple for one dolla" (my mom can't pronounce Rs to save her life). And I respond "mom I don't care about apples. I'm not driving 15 mins out of my way with 2 kids just to buy apples...... Drop the APPLES mom! ...... Drop it!..... Yes money is important, it is important to save! .......Your right money doesn't grow on trees. ...... Yes, apples do grow on trees. I said DROP THE DAMN APPLES!!
Sorry got off topic there. Let's get back to matter at hand.
We then go over what he did that caused the meltdown and why mommy and daddy decided what we did.
It seems to help for us. Hopefully it will help for you.
Now if you're in a public place when that poltergeist demon starts to come out. Just hug them. Pick them up, pull them away from the commotion and hug them. If your kid is the type that needs a few minutes of space, give it to them. Wait until they calm their silly tiny asses down and then try to calmly talk to them.
Shouting begets shouting. Try using this during a serious public meltdown: the whisper.
The next time your kid starts acting all drunk Alec Bladwin voice mail crazy, just start whispering. Do it with a smile on your face. Watch the confusion flood their face and see them stop what they're doing and walk over to you. When they ask "what are you saying daddy?" you swoop them up and say "I love you" and spin them around. Their anger turns to laughter and they are happy again...
Key talking points -
We all sometimes want punch our lil' angel, but don't.
Use the ignore method. Then dance.
Use the whipser in a public setting. Then hug them.
Let's stop being the "the angry dads" it didnt really work on us. Lets game the change.
Lets be the Dad with Swag.
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